Fear Not

Please don’t tell anyone
But I have this secret
I’ve been meaning to tell
You see I am an angel.
Don’t laugh
I am an angel

I know what you are thinking
And yes you are right
My wings haven’t grown out
Yet…
Or even sprouted
But I am sure
They will soon

It’s becoming impossible
To hide this fact about me
My chest and breasts are always
Sore from keeping the truth in
My halo needs a battery that fits
And a little help to get it going
My chastity is not coming back
And I lack the requisite amount
Of patience and obedience

Once this light inside
Gets out it will torch bright
It will burn up the night
Burn out eyes
Burn away shadows
Burn away the pain
Burn away the doubts
Burn away the trauma
And you won’t see my Adam’s apple anymore
Or the permanent stubble on my chin
And I will say fear not

Like all the angels mentioned
I am occasionally misgendered as male
But everyone knows angels aren’t male
Angels were the first trans women
Built to be perfect and the most actualized
Of all the other beings
Like Lucifer
Like Venus
Like the anthropomorphism
Of intuition and a feeling
That everything will be ok

It’s difficult to imagine
Trans people as angels
When so many of our bodies
are washing up in rivers
and ridiculed and legislated
and targeted and scrutinized
and marginalized and despised
and diseased and murdered
and dashed upon sharp rocks
and lying dead from depression
with gunshot wounds to our heads

Like the morning star
It’s hard to come out at night
But I will be waiting
At dawn to redirect the sun’s rays
And his balled up masculinity
I’ll aim it straight into the shadows
I’ll aim it straight back at the men
And at the casters of stones

Once my wings finally grow in
I will ascend and bring light
To this crushing darkness
Instead of condemned
Banished and God damned